Copenhagen Zoo Kills Four Healthy Staff Members To Make Space for New Employees – April 1st 2014.
COPENHAGEN (The Global Edition) – The Copenhagen Zoo has killed several of its staff members early this morning in order to create four new job openings, the Zoo public relations sector reported.
Officials of the Zoo say that the four members of the staff were humanely executed after being put to sleep with a lethal injection, and then skinned and chopped up while visitors crowded around and the meat was fed to the lion population.
“Based on the recommendation of the European Association of Work and Organizational Psychology (EAWOP), we have decided to make space for new work positions, because the Zoo needs new workers, and we found that killing old staff members was the cheapest and the most efficient way to do it,” said Zoo spokesman Tobias Stenbaek Bro “Four of the oldest staff members, among them one female, were put to sleep with a lethal injection and then fed to the giraffes.
However, the giraffes didn’t show interest in their meat, so they were fed to the lions,” explained the Zoo spokesman.
“Being that the oldest staff members could no longer keep track with the new Zoo technologies, and could not manage themselves in the fast and ever-changing job environment, we feel that the criticism coming from some of their family members is completely unfounded,” the Zoo spokesman was quoted as saying.
“Zoos do not own the staff, but they are in charge of their employment, and in that regard have the full right to do with them whatever is considered necessary when they are on the Zoo territory”, said Tobias Stenbeak Bro. “It was the only humane way to dispose of them, you know. We couldn’t just leave them without jobs in this economy, as some heartless observers suggested”.
The Zoo spokesman concluded that “considering that the Zoo animals were fed with the meat of the former employees, the food chain was virtually completed, which is totally in respect of the law of nature”.
April 1st 2014